Last Part

It was the night before my birthday and I had resign to the fact that I will have it here instead of in WA. State.  I  made up my mind to make the best of it, but why couldn't  I sleep and why were my legs restless?  I only  had an energy drink about 2pm and I didn't get any revelations that would cause an attack on my legs. So why?  I lay in bed,  hot and sticky. I took a cold shower  but still I couldnt sleep.  I said to myself, "Oh come on! Let me  sleep!" But it came late and only ended up with a  few hours instead of 8.

Saturday morning was the worst. How could I enjoy my birthday if I have no energy to enjoy it?  I opened my presents and of course I  knew what I was getting.  Disappointment set in when I thought I had to connect to a wifi. "No one told me I needed a wifi connection!"  However later I gave it a try and thanks to my sister who has a router and the help of a  friend, I finally have my kindle set up.  My sorrow turned to joy!
As for the rest of my day, still no energy as  we struggle to catch a bus.." I thought it ran at 9am and not 9:30 am!" We waited for one bus then another and it seemed we spent and hour and half to catch a  bus! Finally one arrived and we had a late breakfast. It all worked out. After we finished  shopping it was  time for a light lunch and so we ordered a double cheeseburger and some sweet tea at McDonald's while waiting for the bus.

 God knows what is best, but sometimes we don't seek him first. Oh how much  better our day would have been if we were more prepared, but we were all tired. You can not think  straight when you are. However God is good and we got home  an hour earlier than usual.
So even if I had to spend my birthday at home, it was good. I had over 100 friends wishing me a Happy birthday and sharing things on my wall. I just wish my local friends would have been more thoughtful, but that is okay.

Part 3

As I was walking to the store, I realize that once again my greatest wish is  being denied. I will never know why God still says wait. Every year a month before my birthday I ask for the same thing and every year it has been the same thing: Wait. Just how long do I have to wait? I began to wonder  maybe I  have been doing something wrong.  This morning I had a dream that  we were leaving everything behind except  for our pets.  We carried Henry and Andy out to the car but when I try to carry this lamb the size of a guinea pig which was named "Poofy"  it went  poop on my arm.  You see,  I am trying to break this stupid childhood habit because my sister and I are adults and we need to act like it: We used to play make believe with imaginary animals(One of them happens to be named Poofy). The Lord was saying that when you go, I want you to leave behind that  habit of yours.  I have been asking the Lord to help me. We have nothing to talk about except sometimes  it is about our mom when she is not around or sometimes we talk about what we read in the word. Most often, its nothing and that stupid habit kicks in. We really need to be a part from each other.
One driving force that has really caused me to plead with Daddy upstairs is my  mother. I do not know about many of you, but as for my sister and I  we have been living with her since we were born. It is not normal for a 40 something  years old woman to do that unless she chose to do so. Our circumstances has caused to  live in our father's house.  I have seen a post several times that I don't like seeing;  "We may not be where we want to be but where we are where we should be" or something like that. I think: If only people where know where we are coming from, they would understand.  My mother needs help that we can not give her or try to give her.  She forgets easily and sometimes does not listen well.   My mother has already done all she could and  is ready to  die in peace. She is not sick. What I am saying is  He can take her home once she knows we are on our own and don't need her to provide for us, but as long as she has to  provide what she can  for us,  she is still needed.  What we need is a life of our own. I often wonder why too many doors are closed here: I have tried finding unemployment but nothing.  I also feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have my BA, but not my credentials. I can't do the fifth year because I can't afford it and have no way  of getting there. So I am stuck and only the Lord can unstuck us.  Also everywhere I look, I haven't seen a man I am attracted to and more importantly,  there  seems to be no one(yet) willing to to take us to church.  So you see if we are where we should be, things should be happening for us!
One last note and that is this morning, I cried out of the bitterness of my heart. I wonder why my friends can have smartphones,  a  car, IPODS and other nice things and we are still the same financially as were  when my father was a live( Although  it would not be possible to have a computer and a cell phone if he was alive) I thought things would improve significantly once  all the doubt  and unbelief was  gone, but only slightly) About 90% of my friends have  a family, a car and a church to go to. and about 95% of my friends from High school and college got married before I did. I even wonder if I will ever be found by the right one.  I no longer feel young.  I will be half way to 90.  I feel like an old maid rather than an unclaimed blessing.
This afternoon I asked God to help me make the best of my birthday in spite of how I feel because deep  inside, I am  longing with great intensity to be where I REALLY should be.

Part Two

I wrote the other day about what I want  for my birthday and mentioned many nice things I would like.  Today on Facebook, I saw that a  friend  re posted something negative about Joel Osteen.  What does that have to do with birthdays? You ask. Joel is not liked  by many people because these people would rather have you believe that God does not want us to have an abundant life  but a life of poverty. They much rather have you be defeated than be victorious.  I have lived like that most of my life and I can tell you,  I don't agree with those people. You can have poverty if you want I much rather be blessed in ALL areas of my life!  One of the  blessings I like to have is of abundance.  Paul knew what it was like to have plenty. I never have. So what does it have to do with  my birthday? Easy! I would like to prosper! I would like to be a blessing to others. I believe in his teachings! And it has inspired me. I refuse to accept mediocracy or even less than that!  I don't believe its God's will for me to be  poor all my life, but as Jesus said about being  celibate, "All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given."  I accept it, but you don't have to. The promise was not given to you. It was given to me. My Spirit bears witness that the things I desire comes from the Lord  What I truly desire to see happen  but once again will not because it is drawing near(Unless he  surprises me), is a one way ticket to Washington State where I  can fulfill all his plans for me: Become a high quality teacher instead of  just a  writer who spends all her time on Facebook, where I can be involved in a good church, have a family of my own, a car for myself and so forth. Can't have these things now. This may be hard for you to accept, but that is okay. You go on believing what you want because your lack of faith will not hinder God's work in my life.

Turning 45 Part 1

This Saturday I will be 45. If you read this after that date, it will be an old post. This is me and  what is on my heart.

I never really got what I wanted for my Birthday in the past 17 years of my life. What did I want? IT wasn't fancy gadgets although if I did, I would appreciate it. It wasn't a brand new car. (No one in the family can afford that either). A husband? Yes sometimes I wish he would come to my door, but hat is ALL in God's hands. What is it then? Could be money? Money does not buy happiness. I know   many people out there who has money but are not happy yet money is a necessity. The one thing I ever asked God-no my heavenly father who loves me as he loves his son, was he would make good on his promise to return me to Washington State. Just today as we were coming home from McDonald's, I said to my daddy, "I  want my Mercedes Benz  right here outside my house.  Okay, now you will say that I am dreaming and maybe I should ask for something not to expensive. But you forget! He owns a cattle on a thousand Hills and everything in this earth belongs to him! In fact, all the  earthly treasures belongs to the righteous. Proverbs 13:22b "But the  wealth of the sinners is stored up for the righteous." The reason why the sinners have money is because Satan who is the thief has been robbing from us and giving  the money to his own people! I like a verse that says "What good is money in the hands of a fool"   because there are a lot of foolish people with money. If they would read the Bible, there are scriptures that teaches you how to use money and where to give it. Lk6:38 "Give  and it shall be given unto you.." There are scriptures that teaches about sowing and reaping, but people are selfish and say "It's  MY money and I can do what I want with it!"  I bet God is trying to get them to give so he can  bless them.  There is a story about a rich man  who was not able to give all that he  had. He held onto his possession. There are people out  there like that.  God is not trying to rob from the rich so they can become poor.  If they are willing and obedient,  they shall eat the good of the land. You are blessed when you obey.